My Journal

June 19, 2006

Today is the last day of the old way. Tomorrow all things are new. Tomorrow is about me and my body and turning it into something I actually want to live in. Tomorrow I will set out to accomplish things to make dreams and to live life. Life that is fulfilling and pleasing to God. Life that is honest. Life that basks in the peaceful chaos that we create for ourselves. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Good things happen on Tuesdays. Tomorrow I will hold the hand of the one I love and remind him how wonderful he is. Tomorrow is the start of something beautiful. I look forward to tomorrow but I put my faith in the God of today the God of now. I look ahead but I am grounded in the moment that I have been givin by the Lord of all creation. I am guided and led by the will of God for what he sees fit for my life has become my hearts desire. That is how I know I can do this. I can sleep soundly and face tomorrow knowing that he hold my future in hands. Trust is a hard thing for me and giving control to anyone even God is no small feat. But with his promises bound to my heart I move farward so all of my tomorrows can become yesterdays shining in his heavenly light. I call out to God and he is faithful to answer always true, always honest, always God. I will follow this example and be alway true, always honest, and always a child of God. The past made me who I am today but tomorrow I move away from hurt and embrace the love I know I deserve. I will move away from anger and do my best to see the good. I will have failures but no regrets I will love and be loved and I will do it all while serving the Lord. I will make myself exactally who he wants me to be for no one but him. I am not living this life to please myself, my parents (or lack there of), my family or my friends. I am being me for God. I would encourage you all to do the same for no greater purpose is there then serving God. Amen and thanks for reading.

June 15th, 2006

 Today I was reminded of just how fantastic God really is. Last night I was terribly upset I missed home and family but what I have really been missing is having a home and going there at the end of the day and it being my own place where I can have people over and make dinner for Jason and have Jason over when i want to. So I was walking to Crowfoot (to go to the bank and meet Jason) and I just gave it to God I was on the verge of tears walking down the street and I just prayed that he would lead me to where he wanted me to be and that he did becasue last night I joined a website to find a room mate and low and behold the very first ad I see that I email is a wonderful funny christian girl moving here in 16 days from BC she has a place and needs a room mate. Not only that the place is walking distance from work right near crowfoot actually. We have talked and it is all a go the place is cute although I haven't seen the inside yet. I will talk to Wendy about makingmy position a live out job which shouldn't be a problem and then all I have to do is find a bed and some furniture I guess. God really is good and loving and he wants the best for me I feel that so much here in Calgary. Not saying it wasn't there in Ontario but maybe I wasn't open to it there. This is where God wants me to be and I am doing what God wants me to be doing. What a wonderful God we serve!!!!

June 14th, 2006

 I have been having a really crappy day. I woke up in the middle of the night with a bad dream and to a thunder storm. Normally I love thunder storms but being alone and feeling alone waking up in my room (which I am coming to resent) just wasn't the same for me. I miss my family and yet sometimes I am not sure why since no one has written to me or really bothers to care a whole lot about staying in touch. Today i even missed my mom, for those of you who know me you understand what a big deal that is for me espcially recently. If it weren't for Jason and knowing that he loves me as much as he does I just might have cashed my pay cheque and hopped on the first flight back to Ontario. No seriously I don't want to go back to Ontario to live ever again I love the west and here is where I will stay. But speaking of Jason I got to see him briefly today for coffee and a walk around the pet store which was nice he claims he wanted to see me but I am pretty sire he was trying to make me feel better and just so he knows....it really did make me feel better. So today I was thinking that this live in thing is the pits and I would love to be able to go home at the end of the night and have my own space. As it is right now I have a room in their walk out basement which is big enough and all but I hear the kids playing and the parents watching TV and I feel like I have no privacy I couldn't have any one over I can't exactally make my own dinner or anything and I don't like eating with them. once they get home on the days I don't go out with Jason I just stay in my room pretty much and clean it or watch TV or I am online. which is probably what I would do with my own appartment but at least it would be mine. I could send for some of my stuff in Ontario and have my own space. Whatever happens and whatever I decide to do I have given it ot God and he will show me the path he wants me to take. Fully trusting in God is a wonderful feeling and I am getting better at it each day. Tonight I was even walking down the street and praying just that God would heal the hurt I have towards my parents and help me with this living arrangement and lead to where he wants me to be. That is really what God wants from us to just talk to him and share with him our thoughts in prayer. it isn't like I was walking down the street talking to myself out loud making people question my sanity or lack there of. Praying is so simple and is one of the best ways to really connect with God.I am really enjoying it. Well I think that is all for today. I am going to go to bed an pray that tomorrow is a better day that will bring glory to God.